Okay. Yes. I have felt guilty. For two months I have not blogged. When I got back after a week from my own bed - I had a title all picked out - My Pillow. I thought about it when my boyfriend and I had a really big fight. Title = Bitch Session. I have been feeling resistance. Anger. As I have struggled with work, working out and life - I have struggled with what to blog. Why can't I write? Could it be I have unreasonably high standards of myself and others? Hmmmm.
Now. Struggling. I want to share something meaningful and juicy. But all I got is this. The truth is I am still grieving. Yes. This May 1st. Three years without my brother on this planet.
I don't have any bubble essence stories. Not right now. I just got home. I am watching, you guessed it, Oprah. Sensing a theme yet? Today's topic - revisiting old stories. First up. Tanya Harding.
I watch her and the classic cartoon bubble appears. I remember the night Greg you came to my house, drunk. I remember how excited you were. You had just met her in the bar 1/2 way down my street. I remember you thinking for one brief shining moment you knew someone famous. Bragging about how you could sleep with her. Getting into a fight with me about her. You threatened to hurt me. I called Dad. You were upset. He let you drive home.
You are not on this planet and it wasn't always easy when you were. The drinking. The verbal abuse. The threats. Yet all I can think about is how I love you. You are missing so much life Greg.
This Easter we all missed you. It was the last time I got to hug you and kiss you. Will Easter always be hard? I wonder. We also laughed. We ate good food. We saw a show. We enjoyed our time together. And you are missing this. You are missing life. I so wish you could be here to see the sun come up this morning. To see the view from my deck. To hear about how I kicked butt managing an event for 3oo people at the downtown Hilton.
I guess I am in the mad phase now. Angry. Why did you take you away from us? Why, after 3 years am I still asking why? I love you.
Always and forever, your sis
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