I stumbled on medical news about myself. Recently I had a much needed physical. Some of the lab tests seemed odd. I logged on to the medical site. Buried in one of over a dozen tests were the doctors comments: I reviewed your lab results and they show your thyroid does not function properly. You need thyroid hormone.

Hypothyroidism. Seems rather benign doesn’t it? I am discovering how much it isn’t. I compensate. I adjust. I re-adjust. That’s been my life. When my hair brush filled up faster, I cleaned it more often and started fancying the bun. When I felt extra tired at work, I worked longer and drank more coffee.

My feelings of depression were because I was grieving the loss of my brother not because of my hormones. Right? My ankles and elbows were showing patches of dryness, in fact my skin was simply dryer than usual but that was just age. And the unexplained sinus infections and colds – that was just because I was stressed out and needed to take my vitamins more regularly.

I have been extremely cold in the mornings when I wake up – I just need to get moving I think to myself. The lower part of my neck has been in constant pain but that was just because I had started working out again and squinting too much at the monitor. I wasn’t losing weight because I was only working out 4-5 times a week for 60 minutes and I should be working out more. If I kept my intake at 1100 calories instead of 1500 calories I would shed faster.

My upper eyelids have become noticeably swollen, sometimes edemic in appearance. That’s just because I am overweight and fat I tell myself. My memory (and I have always prided myself on having a good one) has been spotty . Stress, loss of brother, being overweight. I had a million excuses. All of them pointed to me and my lack of discipline and/or sensibility.

What I am now discovering is that I placed too much Catholic guilt and it cost me. For years I have been suffering and now there is a label to the reason. As I continue my first few months of this diagnosis I am bound to feel better so they say. I cannot help but think that I have been given a chance to change. Others don’t get the same opportunity and today, for this minute, I am very tired but grateful.